The Wizard Of Schnoz
by Tainted Memory
Summary: (Updated) What happens when you mix The Wizard of Oz, X-Men: Evolution, and my own twisted sense of humor? A REALLY funny story!
1. It All Begins

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story, and I don't own the movie, which I got the story line from. I'm not taking any credit in making up any of these characters, don't worry.  
  
I apologize for how short the chapters are, but there'll be a lot of chapters to make up for it!  
  
I'm also apologizing because this chapter should be the first one, but I didn't get the ideas for it until a little while later when my brother helped me brainstorm for it.  
  
~~~~~  
  
Crying, the pale girl ran quickly from her house, wiping the tears from her cheeks as she went. After getting in a fight with her roommates, she decided that she didn't want to deal with it anymore.  
  
Stopping outside of what looked like an abandoned building, the girl looked behind her only for a moment before rushing inside, hurrying to get out of eyesight of anybody that may be following her.  
  
"Welcome, I've been waiting for you." the soft voice of a woman was heard, causing the girl to nearly jump out of her skin.  
  
"Who're you?? What do you want??"  
  
"My dear child, calm down.my name is Destiny, and I'm here to help you, Rogue."  
  
"How do you know my name??"  
  
"I already told you, I'm here to help you. If I weren't, then you think that I'd be standing in the shadows of an abandoned warehouse? If you want to leave, then ask to teleport away." motioning towards a box, Destiny gave Rogue a reassuring look before leaving.  
  
Looking after her, then going and opening the box, Rogue jumped back in surprise when a fuzzy blue thing jumped out at her, grinning. "Guten tag! I'm your handy teleporter, call me Kurt! Just ask me, and ve can go anyvere you vant!"  
  
"Well..uh...lets go back to my house, then, take me someplace where nobody will ever find me!"  
  
~~~~~  
  
"AHHHHH!!" the house slammed onto the ground, causing the teenager to fall off of the bed and land on her fuzzy blue pet. "Get off of me!" It squealed, and she smirked, clambering off of it.  
  
"Sorry Kurt, I didn't think I'd go flyin' like that." Groaning, the blue creature got up, rubbing his head.  
  
"Zat's okay, just be careful next time, Rogue!"  
  
Shrugging, she walked with him out of the house, raising an eyebrow at the feet sticking out from under her house.  
  
"I think we hit something." Looking up, the two saw a glowing bubble coming toward them, but when it was about five feet away, the bubble popped, and a woman dressed in an overly puffy dress fell to the ground, groaning.  
  
"Stupid bubbles, that's the last time I try levitating for an hour to find this place.."  
  
"Who're you??" Rogue stepped up, kicking the red headed woman.  
  
"Don't kick me! And my name is Jean Gray, I'm the goody goody witch of the north!" Smoothing down her dress, the woman smirked arrogantly. "So, you stayed in your house and came here."  
  
"Vere is here?" Kurt spoke up, looking around for the first time at the odd coloured area.  
  
"Why, you're in Schnoz!" 


	2. A Few New Characters

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story, and I don't own the movie, which I got the story line from. I'm not taking any credit in making up any of these characters, don't worry.  
  
~~~~~  
  
"So we're in Schnoz, huh?" Rogue looked around again, noticing several creepy people wandering slowly closer. "Then what exactly are those?"  
  
Jean giggled annoyingly, motioning towards one of them, who quickly scampered over beside her. "These are the pigmies! They keep me company on the nights that I'm lonely." she giggled as the one beside her looked up and grinned, his eyes sparkling behind his classy red shades.  
  
"We live to serve, m'lady.." with that, he disappeared beneath her skirt, along with four or five of his little friends.  
  
"Anyway, if you want to get back home, you have to follow the green and red plaid road! Oh, and if you wear these shoes, the wicked witch of the northeast won't be able to lay a hand on you!" Waving her magic wand excessively, a pair of black Chuck Taylors appeared on the pale girls feet.  
  
"I have to go though, just follow the road and you'll be fine." levitating upwards again, the pigmies could be seen clinging to her legs as she fluttered off.  
  
Rogue looked over at Kurt, shrugging "I guess we should go then."  
  
"Vell, ze sooner ve go, ze better.." With that, the two started on their journey to see the wizard of Schnoz.  
  
~~~~~  
  
Walking along the road, Kurt was slapped a few hundred times for singing annoying show tunes. Ducking into a field to get away from her, he stopped and looked up at a platform sitting on top of a pole, with a person sitting on top of that.  
  
"Vat are you doing up zere??" Kurt looked up, and the boy looked down at him.  
  
"Man, I don't have a spine, yo, I can't get down or I'll hurt myself." Swinging his feet boredly, he grinned as Rogue approached. "Hey baby, wanna help me down from here?" Sighing, she shook her head.  
  
"We don't have the time, we're on the way to the wizard of Schnoz!"  
  
"So? Take me with you, I need a spine, yo.maybe he'll give me one." Shaking her head, she and Kurt helped the boy down.  
  
"So what's your name?"  
  
"Most people call me Toad, and if you kiss me, I'll turn into yo' handsome prince." Grinning, he puckered his lips, only to be hit hard enough to knock him over.  
  
"Come on guys, let's go, I wanna get out of this place." Leading the way, Rogue, Kurt, and Toad all headed towards the Violet Village, where the Wizard of Schnoz was said to live.  
  
~~~~~  
  
"Wait up, yo, I cant walk as fast as you can!" Chasing after the two, Toad tripped over another rock, for about the tenth time, landing face first on the red and green plaid road.  
  
Looking back and sighing, Kurt disappeared from Rogue's side and appeared at Toad's, picking him up and teleporting back over to Rogue. "Vell hurry up! Ve vant to get home!"  
  
"I wanna get a spine, yo, but it's hard to walk on this path! I keep gettin' dizzy!"  
  
Just shaking their heads, Rogue and Kurt shoved the scaretoad ahead of them, making sure he kept a good walking speed so they could get back faster.  
  
~~~~~  
  
"Hey, you guys here that?" Looking around, Rogue tried to find the source of the odd gulping-like sound.  
  
"Zere!" Kurt pointed to a small clearing near the edge of the road, surrounded by trees. Sitting on a tree stump, a metal man had a small jar of black liquid, pumping it into the crevices of his arms. Blinking, the three curious people walked over slowly.  
  
"Uh, what're you doin'.sir?" Rogue stepped up first.  
  
"The name's Piotr, and I'm oiling myself. Its hard being made of metal, and I like not being rusted over, unlike some people." he motioned toward another tin man, standing in the middle of the clearing about ten feet away, axe held over his head as if in the process of chopping down a tree.  
  
"Stupid guy's been there for the last three years, hasn't even bothered asking for any oil.anyway, who're you and what're you doing here?"  
  
"I'm Kurt, zis is Rogue and Toad. Ve're on ze vay to see ze Vizard of Schnoz! Rogue and I vant to go home, and ze scaretoad vants a spine!"  
  
"Mind if I come along? I need to get more oil or I'll rust up like that moron."  
  
"Ah don't see why not, it's startin' to get pretty creepy around here."  
  
Standing, the large metal man followed them back onto the path.  
  
"Man, this -is- pretty creepy. Maybe we should just go back and forget about it, yo." Toad almost stopped walking, but Piotr pushed him forward to keep him walking. Walking in silence for about an hour, they all stopped when they heard a low growling somewhere ahead of them.  
  
"Vat is zat.?" 


	3. What Now?

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story, and I don't own the movie, which I got the story line from. I'm not taking any credit in making up any of these characters, don't worry.  
  
For the newest character, I have this really spiffy plot set up, but I don't know if I'll be able to follow through with it, so if I cant, bare with me!  
  
~~~~~  
  
A loud roar stopped the four dead in their tracks. Todd, yelping, dove into a nearby bush, quickly followed by an equally tweaked Kurt. Rogue, determined to prove she wasn't scared of anything in the forest, failed miserably as the gigantic -beast- lunged forward.  
  
Only Piotr stood his ground, unafraid of the huge dark blue monster. Growling, the beast bounded forward, in pursuit of the creatures he could smell.  
  
"What are you doing in my forest???"  
  
"We're trying to get to the Violet Village, to see the Wizard of Schnoz, not that I see why its any of your business," Rogue bit out towards the thing, glaring.  
  
"Its MY business because its MY forest!" As he spoke, Piotr could see the unsureness in the creature's eyes.  
  
"Its no more your forest than it is ours, and if you don't move out of the way, I'll send the fuzzy elf after you!"  
  
"Rawr, I'm vicious if I vant to be!" Kurt didn't appear from the bush, his voice faltering slightly, though not enough that the beast wouldn't take him seriously.  
  
"Okay okay, don't attack me! I'm just used to being walked all over and I figured I'd try a new approach. I wouldn't really hurt you, but if I don't do something soon, even the mice in this forest wont be afraid of me! And look at me, I cant have that!"  
  
Rogue took a step forward, still glaring. "Well we don't have time to deal with this! I need to get back home so my roommates don't turn my room into a weight room or something!"  
  
"Just let me come along then, maybe the wizard can give me the respect I deserve!"  
  
With the scaretoad still hiding behind her, Rogue gave a defeated bow of her head. "Fine, just keep up! What'd you say your name was, anyway?"  
  
"Just call me Beast."  
  
"Beast? Zat's a, erm, nice name. Your parents must be proud."  
  
Scowling slightly, the larger blue mutant shook his head. "I gave the nickname to myself, to try and be more threatening, because nobody ever listens to me!"  
  
"Vat vas zat? I vasn't listening," Kurt looked up at him again, blinking.  
  
~~~~~  
  
The faint glow of twinkling stars was barely seen through the leaves of the tall surrounding trees. Deciding that they'd traveled enough for one day, Rogue, Kurt, Toad, Piotr, and Beast all laid down to rest.  
  
Rogue slept away from everybody else, deep in the shadows of the trees, barely seen except for her pale skin which was softly glowing in the moonlight.  
  
Kurt slept in an odd way. Curled into the fetal position, head propped against a tree, he looked like his neck was going to snap in half. It seemed enough for him, however, to sleep deeply.  
  
Toad was lying near the others, in the center of what looks like a protective ring to surround him. Stretched out, his sleep isn't disturbed when the soft sounds of footsteps against the grass are heard.  
  
Neither Piotr or Beast are asleep, both keeping watch over the three younger people of the group. Walking over to check on Rogue to make sure she's okay, Piotr stops by the other two as well, before sitting down on a log next to Beast.  
  
"So, lets get this all straight so I don't get any more confused here. Rogue and Kurt left because they didn't want to deal with their roommates, but now want to go back because Rogue is afraid they'll ruin her room and she wont be welcome at all anymore. Toad wants a spine, because, well, just look at him! You want more oil so you don't rust up like that pathetic tin man back there. And I'm going to get some respect, because nobody listens to me. Right?"  
  
Piotr blinks out of his daze, "Huh? Oh, uh, yeah, sure, right. But what about that house Rogue and Kurt told us about? The one they teleported here in."  
  
"I've come to the conclusion that it was her friends house, because the goody goody witch was saying that when she was looking through the house, it was filled with fluffy pink stuff and posters of pop stars."  
  
"When did you find the time to talk to the goody goody witch?"  
  
Beast just grins, "when she was waiting for the pigmies." 


	4. The Truth Behind The Pigmy

Hey my lovelies, sorry for the late updates! For the beginning of this, I needed SOMETHING to get my newest part going!  
  
To explain the Beast thing, it was going to be Sabertooth, but it was too hard for me to imagine him going along with everybody else without killing at least two of them.  
  
My biology teacher is going to fail me because I couldn't recover my bug project. . I'm SO terribly perturbed.  
  
Oh, and my clothes smell like pot.why? BECAUSE I WENT TO THE TSUNAMI BOMB CONCERT FOR MY BIRTHDAY! WHOOOOO!! I WAS IN THE FRONT ROW AND EVERYTHING!! .Heheheh, sorry folks, I'm just happy!  
  
Agent M is my idol! (She's the lead singer for Tsunami Bomb, if you didn't know) XD oh...WISH ME A HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY! NOW!!! Woo Hoo! Actually, my birthday was the 21st, but its okay, I'm accepting late happy birthdays! Whee! *Ehem* must be the pot.shh.  
  
Disclaimer: Own anything here I do not. .Except the fuzzy Kurt! Which, might I add; I got a plushie of him for my birthday! *cuddles* XD  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Rogue slept peacefully, a sardonic smile on her face.  
  
~*~Rogue's Dream~*~ (Back in New York)  
  
"Where's my house?? Its like, totally gone!" An upset Kitty Pryde screeched at the top of her lungs.  
  
"Whoa, Kitty, calm down. Its godda be around here somewhere." Evan Daniels, being his normal self, actually lifted up a rock to look under.  
  
"Evan, it was like, a house! Where would it be??"  
  
"Calm down, half-pint, we'll find it." Sniffing, Logan glanced around, before looking back at the empty lot where the young girl's house sat no more than twelve hours ago.  
  
"But Mr. Logan-"  
  
"No buts, kid! We'll find it, so just calm down!" He was obviously getting irritated at her behavior.  
  
"I'm afraid Logan is right, Kitty, getting upset will do nothing to bring your house back." Ororo Munroe stepped out from behind the house next door to Kitty's lot.  
  
"Hey, Auntie O, I think I found something." Evan got everybody's attention. He pointed to a picture in the middle of the road.  
  
In the center of the picture was Rogue, standing in front of the house, giving the camera a one-fingered salute.  
  
~*~End of the dream~*~  
  
The next morning, the group woke up to growling stomachs, all deciding silently that they needed to find some food.  
  
Rogue got up first, looking around. "There's godda be someplace where we can find somethin' to eat around here."  
  
The others, yawning, slowly got up as well, agreeing that they should find something to eat.  
  
Following the red and green plaid road, the five 'friends' went in search of some food. Coming across a large group of orange trees, the group didn't hesitate to start picking the fruit and eat them.  
  
"What are you doing here??" The voice echoed through the trees, making them jump.  
  
"ANSWER ME!" A large person stepped out from behind the trees, holding a large branch that looked like a bat.  
  
"Ve vere hungry! Ve decided zat ve could have some fruit so ve vouldn't starve!" Kurt said quickly, his accent thickening slightly.  
  
"Well these are MY trees!"  
  
"Who're you, then?" Rogue held her oranges protectively to herself (meant as an innuendo for you slightly slower people out there XD) as Piotr stepped forward.  
  
"They call me the Blob, and I'm VERY protective of my food! Now you have to pay the..uh..consequences!"  
  
Swinging the branch at them, Piotr took his chance and ripped an orange in half, taking each half and pushing them into the Blob's eyes, causing him to shriek in pain and drop the branch. Tearing the oranges from his eyes and rubbing them furiously, he focused on getting the citrus from his burning eyes.  
  
Taking the chance, Beast and Piotr ripped one of the trees from the ground and dashed off with it, following Rogue, Kurt, and Toad down the path to safety.  
  
~~~~~  
  
"Oh.mah.god." Rogue stopped short, causing a five 'person' pile-up on the red and green plaid road.  
  
"Vat? Vat happened, Rogue-" Suddenly gagging, he realized why she stopped so suddenly.  
  
There, right in the center of the red and green plaid road, was a pigmy wearing ruby-red sunglasses, and a tall red head in a rather poofy dress, both too busy to notice the frightened people about twenty feet from them.  
  
At this, Toad quickly starts to rub his eyes, trying to rid himself of the images he's seen. Beast and Piotr both shudder.  
  
"Somebody help us." A horrible retching could be heard from Rogue, as the pigmy started to rapidly 'prove to the witch what he could do'. (Bwahahaha.)  
  
Scared witless now, Piotr and Beast both picked up the trees they were carrying and ran blindly past, hoping they wouldn't make the mistake of tripping over the busy pair.  
  
Toad hurriedly leapt past, while Kurt wraps an arm around Rogue and teleports her to a safe distance.  
  
The sounds of the odd couples.coupling.could still be heard, so the group quickly moved on, all too afraid to speak now. Simultaneously, the group all seemed to think the same thought at the same time.  
  
Nothing is going to scare me more for the rest of my life.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Heh.no offense to any Scott/Jean fans out there, but, eh, screw it, never mind. I'm not really sorry, because if that offends you, I can do things now that'll still freak you out in ten years. 


End file.
